Always
by Pennatus
Summary: Songfic. Cloud knew of these uncertainties. He knew them, and still chose to start a relationship. But how long until this crack shattered him...?


Hey everyone. Got this idea when I was listening to _Always_ by Saliva, if you're wondering what song I used here. My first songfic, yay! And my attempt at angst. Hope you like it!

Thanks to Schizzar for being my beta for this story~ Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or Saliva, and want no profit from this.

-.-

_I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"  
It's telling me all these things  
That you would probably hide_

Cloud knew of the whispers and rumors surrounding his relationship with Sephiroth. Most of it was the usual homophobia, with a few jealous girlfriends to add fire.

But some of it…some of it was darker. Some people claim Sephiroth was disturbed. Not quite right in the head. There had been a few incidents, and while no one could pin it onto the man himself, suspicious glances were cast his way.

Everyone agreed it was best to stay away from the charismatic man.

Cloud knew of these uncertainties. He knew them, and still chose to start a relationship. He figured he could protect himself, if worst came to worst – he was a lot stronger then he looked.

He didn't realize that Sephiroth was too.

_Am I your one and only desire?  
Am I the reason you breathe  
Or am I the reason you cry?_

Cloud often wondered where Sephiroth had gone when he came back late at night. Not wishing to incur his arbitrary wrath, however, he never voiced his inquiry aloud.

Besides, when his silver-haired lover entered their shared apartment at ungodly hours of the night, he seemed calmer, more content. Cloud had also found he was more likely to be kissed and loved on these nights then stared through with those emerald eyes.

Because of those reasons, Cloud never asked.

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

Cloud had never told anyone, not even Sephiroth, how desperately in love he was. To be honest, the intense emotion frightened him sometimes. So strong and ferocious, unlike anything he'd ever felt.

Why else would he stay through the silent nights? Why else would he smile when what he wanted to do was scream until all of frustration and agony was expelled? Why else would he accept this warped and twisted relationship?

Why else…?

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you_

He'd thought about leaving. He'd considered it many times.

What stopped him was the look on Sephiroth's face after his episodes. A torn and pained look, filled with the regret of what he'd done. He'd gather Cloud in his arms, hold him tightly, and swear it would never happen again. It was those moments Cloud loved the most.

And so he stayed.

_I feel like you don't want me around  
I guess I'll pack all my things  
I guess I'll see you around  
It's all been bottled up until now  
As I walk out your door  
All I can hear is the sound of_

One night, Sephiroth said something that Cloud would never forget.

Cloud was backed against a wall, watching Sephiroth stalk leisurely closer to him.

"You're just a burden, Cloud," he said, the words piercing through the blonde. "A burden that other people have to carry. What have you done to help others? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Cloud knew he shouldn't believe any of his words, especially during one of the other's episodes. Still, they hurt, a hurt that had nothing to do with the bruises forming on his body.

It was true, wasn't it? He was nothing but a burden. To his friends, yes. And to Sephiroth – look at what he was doing, hat he'd done, because of him.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face.

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you  
I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you_

The world blurred before Cloud's eyes.

He couldn't take it. Couldn't take the truth. Couldn't take Sephiroth's eyes boring into him. Couldn't take this pain.

He pushed past Sephiroth, not realizing in his emotional state how odd it was that he was willingly released, and ran. He didn't know where. He could barely think. He was only aware of one fact.

He wanted to escape.

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you  
I left my head around your heart  
Why would you tear my world apart?_

Somewhere, someone was yelling. He didn't know why. He didn't want to know why. He saw a flash of silver, hands gesturing, someone moving closer. Something cold, pressed against his temple.

Sephiroth…? But no. It wasn't him. It wasn't him.

That wasn't possible. It was always him.

_Always, always, always, always_

Suddenly the cold was gone. It was replaced by warmth – some slick and wet and trickling.

It _was_ him.

Sephiroth moved closer, tipping Cloud's head up with an elegant finger.

"My little obedient toy," he mocked with a smile, "broken at last. I wondered how long it would take. I chose well – you lasted quite awhile. It's almost a shame I'll have to kill you."

Cloud wasn't listening. The words simply weren't registering. He picked out strange details – a splatter of blood on the hem of Sephiroth's shirt, the sound of his own heavy breathing, the smell of an alley, dark and grungy.

"I'm so glad I got to you before that man did." He cast a derisory glance over his shoulder, but Cloud's blue eyes refused to move from the familiar face hovering before him. "Fools. You belong to me, and only to me."

Cloud hated the expression on his lover's face, cold and calculating and full of malice. He wanted it gone.

He would make that expression disappear forever.

_I see the blood all over your hands  
Does it make you feel more like a man?  
Was it all just a part of your plan?  
The pistol's shakin' in my hands  
And all I hear is the sound_

Cloud didn't know how he'd gotten into this, his hands wrapped around the pistol that had just been pressed against his temple. One minute he was standing, and the next he was kneeling here. Anything in between was irrelevant.

He could now see the knife loosely clutched in Sephiroth's hand.

"Now, now, Cloud. You could hurt yourself. You should just give that to me."

Slowly, Cloud lifted the gun.

Sephiroth looked amused. "You think you can shoot me?"

Cloud's hands quivered, the gun swaying slightly.

Sephiroth's face softened, into that beautiful face Cloud fell in love with. "I love you, Cloud. Always. Do you remember?"

He did. Sephiroth said that after nights like these, with that same look on his face.

Cloud's mind crumbled, utterly confused by the myriad of emotions at war inside of him.

Sephiroth had won.

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

However, his body remembered. Recalled the anguish and sleepless nights that had plagued Cloud for much too long. And it did not want to relive those nights ever again.

Where Cloud's mind faltered, his body took over.

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you_

The sound of a gunshot rang through the still night air.

_Always, always, always._


End file.
